This Week's Bad Writing Excerpt

I know I have been remiss recently in posting examples of bad-writing-that-is-nevertheless-being-submitted-to-production-companies, but business is picking up and the bad writing is starting to flow in again.

First off, let me say that I can sympathetize with writing a scene in a script, and then seeing the scene turn up in a major motion picture, and then worrying what to do with the scene in your script; do you jettison it in favor of something else? Do you find a fresh spin on it?

In this particular script I read over the weekend, there is a sequence in which the main character gets his chest waxed. I want to believe that it was written before "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" came out, but either way, since this draft is dated last week, there's no excuse for the writer not to do something with the chest waxing scene. But no, it just happens, and sits there, not even as interesting as the one that set the bar. Basically, it's a complete copy of it; the character yells a lot as his chest hair comes out in chunks.

(Ironically, the scene is there because it sort of fits into the story. Without going into the (godawful) plot too deeply, suffice it to say that it involves a midget who goes into hiding by disguising himself as a baby. Not that a chest wax really helps that much).

The bad writing comes in because the screenwriter obviously felt that someone reading the script was going to notice that the scene was similar to The 40 Year-Old Virgin's. But instead of reworking the scene, or doing something - anything - interesting with it, the writer settles for writing this to start of the scene.

--------

INT. SALON PRIVATE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

King lies on his back as Madame Wong applies the first bit of wax and a strip of cloth to his chest hair. (Author's note... blatant rip-off coming.)

--------

Here's a tip. If you are ripping off something so completely that you feel the need, in the script, to confess that you are ripping it off, you've already lost.