a pro script reader ponders movies, reading, writing and the occasional personal flashback

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Feed Me, Seymour

I have never been a plant person. My wife has never been a plant person.

Still, for Christmas, I gave her an amaryllis bulb.

It came in a box, that I bought at Target, when I was doing one of those "stuff to put under the tree" random present sweeps.

I wasn't sure it would actually grow, but what the hell -- it was on sale, for $3.50.

And the box had a pleasing square shape, that would look good in wrapping paper.

My wife thought it was nice, and then the box sat on a side table for a few weeks after Christmas, waiting.

Finally, my wife opened it, and followed the instructions, which involved combining bulb, pot and soil and whatever else was in the box, and then putting it on a nearby bookshelf.

For the first few weeks, not much happened. There was some growth, but nothing too thrilling. The box said it took 6 weeks to flower.

Then, last weekend, it started to grow, and grow. Soon it was about 6 inches high, looking a lot like, well, a penis. Shaft, bulb. I resisted the temptation to look under the soil for little amaryllis testicles.

It kept growing, and we finally moved it to the kitchen. Opened the window blinds, to give it a little more light.

I think it likes the light.

At noon yesterday, it was 15 1/4 inches high. By midnight, it was 17 inches high. Almost 2 inches in just 12 hours.

No sign of a flower, yet.

No sign of teeth. Yet.

I talk nicely to it. I think it is my friend.

But if I disappear, look inside the plant.


At 12:39 PM, Blogger MaryAn Batchellor said...

So, your wife doesn't read your blog? Cuz, I'm thinking that the admission of a "last minute $3.50 because I can't find anything better at Target" gift is a bad thing to post for enquiring minds on the world wide web, speaking purely from a wife's perspective. Now, if you'd attached a copy of Little Shop of Horrors...

At 12:52 PM, Blogger Scott the Reader said...

My wife only rarely reads my blog. Though I told her I didn't spend much on the plant -- I didn't want her to feel bad if her grey thumb killed it (and don't worry, she got plenty of gifts).

18 inches now. The kitchen is also mysteriously clear of spiders.

At 6:52 AM, Blogger MaryAn Batchellor said...

Wear gloves.


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