ALLIGATORS IN A HELICOPTER

a pro script reader ponders movies, reading, writing and the occasional personal flashback

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Attacking Your Critics

Apparently sad, sensitive filmmakers aren't going to just sit back and take shots from critics any more.

So not only did we get M. Night Shyamalan's awkward anti-critic tirade in "Lady In The Water", but now there's Uwe Boll.

Uwe Boll is generally considered to be the worst film director working today, almost certainly the worst that is continually working on fairly big budget films.

He made the epics "House of the Dead", "Alone in the Dark", and "BloodRayne". He has another 4 movies he is directing that are listed on imdb as being in pre- or post-production.

Uwe Boll has repeatedly complained in the past about the unfair rap that his films have gotten. But his whininess just made people make fun of him even more.

So recently, he took it a step further, challenging his critics to meet him in the boxing ring.

Seriously. And it happened.

Four critics showed up to fight Uwe Boll in Vancouver, British Columbia, last Saturday, including a writer for "Ain't It Cool News". Boll took them on one by one, in a ring in an arena, with a referee and a crowd.

And while I'd like to report that the critics doled out some damage, the problem is that Boll (41) is a former semi-pro boxer, a tough-looking German who, despite not wearing protective headgear like his opponents, still dispatched them all in a dominant round or two.

You can view the carnage here.

So Boll will continue to direct bad movies. His next one is another video game adaptation, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale", which has the kind of cast (Kristanna Loken, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Matthew Lillard, Leelee Sobieski, Burt Reynolds) who really must just be in it for the paycheck.

Meanwhile, if Woody Allen wants to do some cage fighting, count me in.

9 Comments:

At 11:17 AM, Blogger S. A. Petrich said...

Those fights are the only thing Uwe Bollocks will ever win in his life. Not counting all those Razzies, of course.

As far as I understood, those fights will be included in his upcoming Postal movie. Yeesh. If nly he got his ass handed to him here, I would maybe even watch that movie. Maybe.

He's the reason everybody laughs when I say I would like to direct several video game adaptations.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Webs said...

Every once in a while, I find myself hanging out with Doug Taylor, the writer of "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale".

Let me know if you have any questions.

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger Brett said...

Call me odd, but there's something about Uwe Boll I'm starting to find almost endearing. Maybe it's that he seems like a modern Ed Wood, if Ed Wood had a nasty lead left hook.

Or it might be a Freon™ leak in my a/c system, and I'm on the verge of dangerous hypoxia.

On the bright side, with that fight video, Boll has finally made a movie that people can watch without fear of explosive nausea.
.
.
.
B

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger Patrick J. Rodio said...

Yeah, i have no idea why that cast signed on for Dungeon Siege. Awful. I mean, Burt? In a sword & sorcery epic? Yikes.

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger S. A. Petrich said...

I'm more concerned about Jason Statham - I mean, most of the others are either has-beens or never-beens, but he's a guy with a prospective career ahead of him. In Hollywood. If anybody, he should be choosing his scripts more carefuly.

 
At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Webs...he's a montrealer right?

Anyway, good break for Doug regardless of the lousy director. The cast has some fairly big names.

If Boll's such a poor director then more props to him for not only getting his name in the press, but continually booking solid paying gigs.

- Allen

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Bill Cunningham said...

Well, he gets these gigs because he funds the movies through his german private equity fund BOLL KG.

That way, he's not only the director and producer, but he also pulls dollar one (or is that deutschemark eins?) from the sales.

He makes these movies for relatively low money and sells them worldwide so he doesn't have to depend on the box office for the profit. He's already in profit by the time the movie is in post.

Like him or not - he's using the system to his advantage - because his movies make money.

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger Dave said...

What's up with the knocks on sword and sorcery, eh? They've always been low rung features due to the writing and cast, but with better of both, they can be quite enjoyable :)

Yes. I played D&D.

Lastly, I don't know that you could call any game off Dungeon Siege an adaptation. I'd imagine it's more like a story in the world of Dungeon Siege.

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger Thomas Crymes said...

Turns out that AICN missed the real meat of the story. Turns out that, in addition to being a crappy filmmaker, he is also a terrible human being:

http://www.kotaku.com/gaming/clips/clips-uwe-boll-pushing-lowtaxs-face-in-202896.php

In a nutshell, he promised the people involved that they would get some boxing training (which he never provided) and he told them that it was a publicity stunt and that no one should get hurt, and then proceeded to beat each of them to a pulp. And one unconfirmed report says he refused to fight another journalist who was trained as a fighter.

Poor.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home